Dojo Families,
In the immediate aftermath of the heart-wrenching tragedy that has befallen the community of Sandy Hook many people took to the internet to vent their rage and sadness. Sadly this only provides a false balm against the feelings of impotence that we all (especially parents) are feeling at the news of the horror as it unfolded. Like some of you, Tammy and I mourned quietly, turned off all media to shield Kailey from the constant barrage coming from radio and television and kept our child close.
For years Tammy and I have been engaging in readiness “games” with Kailey. We have a series of code-words and emergency plans in the event of an emergency. You would laugh at some of the things we considered before sending Kailey to school; Tracking devises satellite phones etc.
We wanted to share with you all some of the information and ideas we are reviewing to help us be prepared and to respond to the tragedy in Connecticut.
Aftermath:
Limit your child's exposure to news coverage. An onslaught of television coverage can generate tremendous anxiety. Media, news, and images are everywhere right now, as are lively and passionate discussions, so we may have to take conscious steps to shield our young ones from inappropriate and explicit exposure to this.
I always hesitate to make broad sweeping statements about how people should parent, but I also see how our news media are able to send streams of concentrated information through the screens and radios, focusing upon the sensational actions and events of the few, while regularly failing to report upon the generous and loving behavior of most of us. Because something is 'newsworthy' does not mean it is a balanced reflection of humanity, nor a vehicle to communicate the tremendous benevolence and goodness of so many people. In this way, media is wholly inorganic, and can impact sensitive children in very unhealthy ways.
Encourage your children to talk and share their feelings.
Try as we might to shield our children they will hear bits and pieces about this tragedy. Keep your eyes and ears open as your child may have questions about the events or that may make statements about what they have heard from their peers. This is a good time for parents to discuss with their children the importance of speaking to a trusted adult concerning matters that they hear about in the media and online. Keep the dialog open.
1. Keep your explanations developmentally appropriate.
1. Early elementary school children need brief, simple information that should be balanced with reassurances that the daily structures of their lives will not change.
2. Upper elementary and early middle school children will be more vocal in asking questions about whether they truly are safe and what is being done at their school. They may need assistance separating reality from fantasy.
3. Upper middle school and high school students will have strong and varying opinions about the causes of violence and threats to safety in schools and society. They will share concrete suggestions about how to make school safer and how to prevent tragedies in society. They will be more committed to doing something to help the victims and affected community.
4. For all children, encourage them to verbalize their thoughts and feelings. Be a good listener!
For more information you may visit http://www.nasponline.org/resources/crisis_safety/terror_general.aspx
Taking Action – Preparation,
Ever watch kittens play? They bite at the throat, claw at the belly and go through the motions of feline combat, it looks adorable but serves a purpose. The play combat engaged across nature serves to teach the skills needed for adult animals to survive the harsh realities of nature.
In the same way we can teach our children necessary survival skills.
To keep it “playful” I like to use Zombies as the hypothetical bad guys, or bad fairies or Cobra Commander from G.I. Joe whatever works for your child. I want to share a few things we do with our daughter on a regular basis.
The Password.
Tammy, Kailey and I devised a secret password in case we cannot be there to pick her up or someone tries to lure her into a car saying they are friends of mom and dad. We chose it together, no one else knows it, period. We train/play with the password at least once a month.
The Way Out / How to Find Help.
Nearly anytime we go to a new location we discuss the best way to get out in a hurry. Since most people in a panic will try and go out the same way they entered we seek exits that will not be blocked in the event of a fire or disaster.
In the event she was to get separated from us in a public place she knows to go to a police officer, a woman with a child or a worker/ security guard, In that order. She also knows never to leave the area with anyone. She is regularly quizzed on her mother’s cell number.
In the coming weeks I plan to tour Kailey’s school (again) and review exit strategies and places of concealment. We will pretend we are planning to be the worlds best hide and seek players. Maybe we will have to rescue some sick fairies and take them to secret fairy hospitals around her campus. Our mission is to train for the worst case scenarios while shielding our child and keeping it playful.
Resources.
I posted this very video a few months ago. Please review. For adult viewers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VcSwejU2D0
For those of you who LOVE to read here is a link from Marc MacYoung’s page. There is a lot of info here. However, Marc has a vast history and understanding of human violence.
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/activeshooter.html
Gaven De Beckers Amazon Page, I especially recommend “Protecting the Gift”
http://www.amazon.com/Gavin-de-Becker/e/B001HCVD06/ref=sr_tc_2_0?qid=1355621955&sr=8-2-ent
http://www.amazon.com/Am-Not-Target-Artist-Provided/dp/B000CPH9JI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1355726061&sr=8-1&keywords=%22I+Am+Not+A+Target%22
Finally KSK martial arts will be hosting a training and discussion on personal and family safety shortly after the first of the New Year.
In the meantime, hug your children. Until then I’ll see you on the mat.
Gregory Poretz
